Tuesday, February 16, 2016

the onion, not the onion

Charlie Hebdo has a thing or two to teach the Onion about guts.

Here is The Onion article "Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring"

As you may or may not know, the Onion was purchased by a billionaire Hillary Clinton backer. 

The pro-Hillary Onion article should have been this:

Investor Pays Millions and Demands Bullshit Article that is Almost Vaguely Amusing to Pretend to Be an Onion Article but is in Fact Propaganda

This is comedy... this blog post is some funny shit... wait for it... look for the ellipses...

Hillary Clinton, former board member of Walmart, spent the early part of her career fighting unionization at the biggest employer in the US. Not content to be a sycophant for an Arkansas business, she later created a market for private prisons, participated the push for banking deregulation, ended welfare as we knew it, and then took millions in "speaking fees" or kickbacks while claiming she was "under fire" in Bosnia then fucking up the countries of Iraq and Libya and leaving a trail of death and destruction and failure, surrounding herself with advisors who are afraid to tell she's wrong as she makes the same leadership mistakes, underplaying her enemies and tightening her circle until Hillarycare, Libya, Iraq, banking regulations, her campaigns of 2008 and 2016 all collapse in an implosion of idiocy and incompetence, never failing to kowtow to power, Kissinger to Cheney, and leaving an American and world much worse for it....

... but here comes the comedy...

... get ready...

The Onion was instructed by their masters to make this story INSPIRATIONAL!!!!

Making 100 million on "public service" is inspirational?

Invading Iraq is inspirational?

Saying 9/11 to defend her Goldman Sachs speaking fees? Inspirational?

We can do it boss! We're the Onion. We ARE FUNNY. Let's be funny guys.

"Well folks, we got our marching orders. They say make Hillary sound good but make it funny."

"Impossible! No way to make flip flopping, moderate, progressive, invading countries, warmongering funny!"

"How about this, we do the female candidate thing? She has TITLES like Secretary of State and Senator. People think they have to bow down to those."

"Not the Onion readers. They aren't Medieval peasants."

"Yes, they obey. We obey. Cash the check and make it funny, snappy and hope it gets shares."

Not the Onion. The Onion.

Here is what the article says, "Margolis added that Clinton was too much a part of the establishment she spent decades breaking down barriers to enter."

She broke barriers for herself, maybe, but even that is a stretch. Was she the first woman on the board of Walmart? The first female secretary of state? No, no. Did the heiress of Walmart break barriers?

What a load of paid-off crap Shame on you Onion.

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